How to Resolve Relationship Problems When Your Partner Has an Affair?

The Problem of Sharing Leadership Equally

Jenny feels furious, disappointed, irritated, and betrayed when she finds out her husband has an affair.  When she vents her emotions, her friends mostly tell her to leave that man, terminate the toxic relationship, pack everything, and go as she deserves someone better.

Ann is her best friend who encountered a similar situation five years before. Her husband finally decided to end the affair and returned home.

Jenny: 

What can I do? I beg you for advice.

Ann:

Your husband is cheating on you to damage the relationship.  Are you sure you still want this man?

Jenny:

Yes, I love him. I want him back. Your husband had an affair with someone. How can you win back his love?

Ann:  Believe me!  You don’t want to do that.

Jenny: Try me.

Ann:

Alright.  Firstly, never make yourself look miserable, depressed, or angry. Cheer up and make yourself as beautiful as you can. Do anything to make yourself happy.  

I cooked his favorite food and always had a cheerful conversation. You know what? When John told me his car had broken down, I drove him to that woman's place. He asked me, "Is there any conspiracy?"

Jenny:

Impossible!  I can’t do that.  You lost yourself completely to win back a man.

Ann: 

The truth is the opposite of what you think. I accepted what had happened to me and decided to move on from this man. My intention was not to win John back, and I never anticipated their relationship would fail.  At that time, I decided to focus on what I had and could create, such as establishing my own business. I love allocating my time to exercise, enjoy the wonderful time with my friends, and the community.

Jenny, you know what? Perhaps, that woman desperately pushed him to divorce and never succeeded. She was doing what I was doing before, like crying, mad at him all the time, and became the kind of woman he resisted. When he realized how lovely I was, why pursue another? To be honest, I don’t know what I can advice you. But remember, you always have a choice.

Equal Power of Interest Save Your Relationship

According to Willard Waller's Equal Power theory, a successful relationship hinges on achieving a power equilibrium between partners. But how can this be achieved when you cannot force someone to love you more or less?

Indeed, your influence over the other person is beyond your control. However, you do have the ability to make choices for yourself.

Never Belittle Yourself

Never let anyone influence your emotions. You hold the power over your happiness, nobody else.

You do not need validation from others; embrace yourself fully without seeking to change for anyone.

Seize control of your financial independence with confidence.

Be true to yourself and your values.

Act with kindness, integrity, and positivity.

You are worthy of love and deserve it wholeheartedly.

Your Partner Values You More

How to find a good spouse?  The best single way is to deserve a good spouse because a good spouse is by definition not nuts (quote from Charlie Munger)

Many people find a middle-aged woman with a childlike heart to be highly attractive to a man. A middle-aged woman who seems naive and silly is similar to a book's cover; it doesn't fully represent the depth within. Having lived through various experiences—sorrow, disappointment, failure, and happiness—she embodies a happy perspective. Despite these challenges, she retains her sense of wonder and curiosity. For a man, this means that even in difficult circumstances, her presence can offer hope and a sense of possibility.

Any woman possesses her distinctive style and personality.

Be yourself to shine with confidence who is so strong and can be gentle;

So educated and can be humble;

So passionate and can be rational.

When he first met you, he always wanted to be with you.  After spending a long time with you, he couldn't bear his life without you.

Who holds more power of interest in a relationship? If you are not sure, ask yourself these questions:

What’s your very act of asking your partner to do something?

What’s your response when you think something goes wrong?

Who’s the one to mention divorce first during a fight? 

Who will back off and apologize first after a fight?

I absolutely love hearing your comments!