How to Completely Solve Money Problem In a Relationship?
Oct 2, 2024
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Are the Argument is Always About Money in the Relationship?
A few years ago, I got fired by surprise, which led to a mix of devastating feelings of anxiety, stress, fear, and self-doubt. My husband's income barely supported our family expenses after being laid off from a big company. At that time, the stock market was hot. One day, my husband called me to help him buy a stock. I hesitated to doubt his idea due to the fear of losing money.
My husband:
Why don't you follow my instructions? If only you would have done what I told you, we will get big profit.
Me:
Stop yelling at me! I’m not your servant.
I worked so hard all these years, and now I am jobless. You are so ungrateful. My mom is the only person who cares for me, regardless of the money issue.
(I felt like a victim and didn't realize I had triggered his hot button)
Both of us were furious and stopped talking to each other.
And then, I attempted to transform criticism into curiosity. I couldn't quite understand what had occurred between us.
He said, “I feel upset because you think my anger is due to losing money. Is our relationship so much about money?”
90% of conflicts is related to money.
90% of divorce is related to money.
90% of betrayal is related to money.
If a couple can earn sufficient money for their basic living expenses, they can secure 60% of the family harmony. On the one hand, never marry a man constantly struggling with money, no matter how attractive he may be. Otherwise, you will exhaust your energy to solve the money problem. On the other hand, as a woman, never rely on your husband for financial security. Build up your skills to earn money independently.
What is your family money story? What is your financial habit? How to completely solve your money problem in a relationship?
1) It Is Only Temporary
Whatever how hard the circumstances of the financial difficulties at that moment, it is only temporary. There were too many real stories about people who experienced financial bankruptcy overnight and could go through it and eventually succeed. During difficult times, it's essential to keep moving. Consider exercising, learning something new by joining free online or offline courses, volunteering for charity work, or finding a part-time job such as a mystery shopper (no matter the low salary). The key is to engage in productive activities that help you feel good.
2) Shift to Positive Perspective
Three years before, my boss fired me after my 10-years tenure. At that time, I felt shocked, devastated, and depressed. At that time, I was a career woman and my family was not my top priority. My mom suffered a stroke last year and never could live the same life as before. I didn’t expect that being jobless would allow me to spend quality time with my mom when she was in good health, and one year later, she suffered a stroke.
3) Self-help with financial education.
I am not talking about the training programs that advertise how to get rich in 30 days or those fake trainers who amplify their luxurious lifestyles via social media to lure you to join their expensive courses. Many channels are available to learn about financial education, including how to earn, save, and grow your money through active and passive income streams. Consider reading books or enrolling in courses from reliable sources.
4) Do something differently from the repeated pattern.
Do you have a repeated pattern for your money problem? The repeated pattern of getting fired, repeated to trap in high debt? Repeated invest the wrong investment? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (quote from Albert Einstein). The repeated pattern is the habit of thinking and the iceberg of belief. The antidote is to scrutinize the thoughts or habits that grow weeds and make a decision for the change. It sounds simple, but not easy. The simple way is to do the opposite of your habitual behavior and see what happens.
5) False ego to associate money with self-worth
It is not unusual for a man to link success and self-worth to his ability to earn money. Back to the opening story, when I mentioned money to my husband, he felt self-blame, reminding himself of his failure to provide financial security for me. Always remember money is a sensitive issue for a man's self-esteem. Beware of the communication reflects your love and respect, not disappointment.
The tricky aspect of money is that it evokes negative emotions, regardless of whether you have it or are facing financial difficulties. For example, I invested in a stock that increased by 20%. After selling all my shares, the stock price continued to rise as much as 50%. Why was I so upset about this situation? I hadn’t lost any money; I only earned less than I could have.
When I earned less than expected, I felt upset, driven by greed. When I suffered a loss, I felt angry due to self-blame. However, it is unlikely that I could consistently choose the perfect stock, buy at the bottom price, sell at the peak, and optimize my profits.
Recall back to the story about the argument with my husband.
He said, “I feel upset because you think my anger is due to losing money. Is our relationship so much about money?”
I am not trying to deny that nearly everything in our lives will relate to money. If money is an issue in a relationship, the focus will shift from love to money. Always remember, money is a tool to make you happy, not a goal to carry you away.
All in all, the point is to get rid of resentment or agitation from the money problem.
When you can lighten the feeling of resentment, respond instead of reacting, and lead your response to attract the positive energy for good things to happen.
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When the couple is in poverty, the challenge is for the woman (whether she is willing to stay with him).
When the couple has plenty of money, the challenge is for the man (whether he is willing to stay with her).
Do you agree or disagree?
